Stuck in a Moment: The Replacements

“The Replacements” (2000)
Starring Keanu Reeves, Gene Hackman, Brooke Langton, Orlando Jones, Jon Favreau, Rhys Ifans
Directed by Howard Deutch
Written by Vince McKewin
Rated PG-13 for some crude sexual humor and language

When I was in college, I wrote about the need for the Washington Redskins to change their name and what new mascots they should consider. Among them was the Sentinels, from the then-recently released movie “The Replacements.” I can't remember what I finally settled on – either Hogs or Heroes – and couldn't track it down online because apparently the only stuff that stays on the Internet forever is what people don't want.

I dismissed Sentinels mostly because there's a scene in which the team wins a game by outright cheating (and maybe a little because of the way Sentinels have hunted mutants for decades). So with the name of the Reds- er, Football Te- sorry, Commanders in the news once again and me having established a whole hashtag for getting hung up on a single scene in a movie, I figured this was a good time to revisit the film.

It's about Lex Luthor coaching a group of replacement players that includes John Constantine, Happy Hogan and the Lizard after a strike pulls most of the stars of a Professional Football League That's Not the NFL off the field. For whatever reason, licensing I presume, they didn't use real teams and uniforms, but we did get games (and the movie's romantic climax) called by John Madden and Pat Summerall. Browsing the IMDb trivia page reminded me the story is based a least loosely on the 1987 NFL strike, a season in which the Redskins won the Super Bowl.

The Sentinels' owner brings back former coach Jimmy McGinty (Hackman), who he fired for... some reason to coach the replacements. McGinty enlists a ragtag group that includes Shane Falco (Reeves), a former Ohio State quarterback who is younger than the former Ohio State quarterback Reeves played nine years earlier in “Point Break.” Also making the team are a violent cop (Favreau), a Welsh kicker with a gambling problem (Ifans), and Clifford Franklin, a lightning-fast receiver who can't catch (Jones).

I was happy to see Jones because of his breakout role as the “Make 7-Up Yours” guy, but disappointed when McGinty's solution to his catching woes was to slather Stickum all over his hands with a game they need to make the playoffs on the line. He catches the ball, then snags a two-point conversion, maybe without the Stickum?

This isn't some only-in-the-movies bending of the rules for comedic effect, like some of the tricks in “Mighty Ducks” or “Space Jam.” This is a real substance that was banned by the NFL in 1981.

Does this moment still give me so much pause I can't appreciate the rest of the movie? For some reason, not as much. Maybe it's because the Stickum was used in the penultimate game instead of the last, like I remembered, but without that win, there's no playoff berth on the line and no drama for the final contest.

I noticed things I'd forgotten about. Jones derailing the coach's discussion of football-related fears with a tangent about spiders and bodyguard-turned-offensive-lineman Jamal protecting his quarterback by shooting a striking player's car were laugh-out-loud moments. Favreau's near-rabid linebacker went way beyond over the top, but the natural rivalry between him and a work-release inmate playing under an alias was resolved nicely, and relatively subtly.

The theme of guys playing for love of the game versus money was hammered relentlessly, with the salaries being lamented in the film sounding comical today ($8 million a year for a star quarterback? That's a bargain!). But then there's tight end Brian Murphy (David Denman, aka Roy from “The Office”) who missed out on a pro career because he's deaf and running back Walter Cochran (Troy Winbush), who just wants to score a touchdown after his career was cut short by injury illustrating the point. And Falco's leadership skills are demonstrated well without ever feeling forced.

The movie doesn't over-explain anything but a little more information in some cases would have been nice. Apparently, the cheerleaders walked out when the players did, except for Langton, who is more magnetic and alluring on her own than any of the antics from the group of strippers who join the squad as a running joke.

“The Replacements” is a fun enough football movie that just doesn't quite rise to the level of others in the sub-genre.