Wonder Woman + Punisher = Bullets and Bracelets

Bullets and Bracelets #1
“Final Thrust”
Writer: John Ostrander
Penciler: Gary Frank
Inker: Cam Smith
Colorist: John Kalisz
Letterer: Richard Starkings and Comicraft
Cover: Frank and Smith
Editor: Chris Cooper
Executive Editor: Bobbie Chase
Editor-in-Chief: Bob Harras
Published by: Marvel
Released: Feb. 29, 1996

In discussing “Legends of the DarkClaw,” I made up the term Amalgamath while trying to figure out how one Batman got combined into two different characters. This installment features an even less balanced equation.

First of all, kudos to Ostrander or whoever pitched combining the Punisher and Wonder Woman and using the title “Bullets and Bracelets,” pulled from Wonder Woman lore, to do so. Two more disparate comic characters I would have trouble imagining, although it would be a fun exercise.* But there is not a 2-to-1 amalgamation ratio here.

The bullets part of the equation is Trevor Castle, a mix of the Punisher and Steve Trevor, albeit at least an 80/20 blend. He gets Frank Castle's tragic origin, skull motif and affinity for firearms and Trevor's... blond hair and attraction to Princess Diana, neither of which is exactly unique to him.

The bracelets half of the duo is Wonder Woman, maybe from her mod days, and... Donna Troy? Except for her collapsible bow suggesting perhaps a hint of Hawkeye – albeit a decade or so before Kate Bishop – I don't see many, if any, ingredients from the House of Ideas. My next guess would be Elektra, but I think she's more of an element in “Assassins.” I'll Google the wikis and include the answers in the wrap-up, but for now, I'm just writing a synopsis with my initial reactions and guesses.

The issue opens with Castle and Diana fighting the Hand, who, to be fair, don't seem to have a DC component either. He's mowing them down with bullets; she's only killing some of them with arrows. The narration hints at a troubled past between the two, and we soon see it with recaps of their amalgamated origins.

Diana grew up on Paradise Island but ventured into Man's World, leaving her adopted sister Ororo behind. Her bracelets are not part of her Amazonian heritage but a gift from the king of Wakanda, who looks all Black Panther in his single-panel appearance. Castle learned violence in Vietnam and unleashed it stateside after his wife and kids were killed in a mafia crossfire. Somewhere along the way, Castle and Diana met, fell in love, got married and had a baby, suggesting this Castle perhaps isn't as fundamentally broken as the all-Marvel version.**

But things didn't work out, due, in part it seems, to Diana chafing at the idea of being a stay-at-home mom. Someone abducted their son Ryan and now they're forced to work together again, trading barbs like “I thought your first family would've taught you – you can't bring back the dead!” That... that's harsh even for melodramatic comic dialogue. Whoever Diana's Marvel DNA comes from, she's a lot meaner than Diana of Themyscira.

Before things get even more verbally brutal, they're confronted by Monarch, who looks like a cross between War Machine and that guy from the Extremists whose name I can't recall but is either Monarch or something alliterative. He says he's not the true force behind these manipulations and sends the dysfunctional duo through a boom tube to Apokolips.

There, they assume their son Ryan has been placed under the questionable care of Granny Harkness. Castle goes to find better weapons, while Diana scouts out the target. She runs afoul of Big Titania, a cross between Titania and Big Barda whose costume definitely combines elements of both:

Apparently she fought alongside the heroes during “Secret Crisis” but went back to the villain side of the street after her love Scott Free was killed in the never-published-but-surely-epic crossover. The ladies come to blows, with Diana landing a powerful enough punch that I had to rethink my assumption that this is the not-super-powered version. But in the end, she's overwhelmed by the decidedly unamalgamated-looking Female Furies, who all have their DC codenames, though Bernadeth looks like maybe she raided Hela's closet.

Diana is captured and wakes up sans her leather jacket, which further emphasizes the weird belt strap things that comprise her alleged costume. Also, she's face-to-knee with Thanoseid, perhaps the most obvious – in the best way possible – amalgam in the whole exercise. He goes on about how he represents order and the heroes are chaos and he engineered this whole thing to get Diana to tell him where the Infinity Links are. She insists they were destroyed, but he's not buying it.

Finally, Castle returns, wearing the helmet and astro-glider of Thanoseid's son Orion, who I thought was crossed with Thor in an upcoming issue. He lifted them from his grave after killing a couple of Parademon guards with distinctly Moloid features.

Castle frees Diana and prepares to face off with Stompa. Diana herself matches up with Kanto, a beret-wearing swordsman who I'm guessing is a mix between Marvel's Swordsman and a New Gods character I recognize from the OverPower card game and called “Dirty Pierre” because I didn't know his actual name. He's been talking about how fair Diana is, refers to her as a “comely wench” and decides not to even fight her. Big Titania has a change of heart and tries to even the odds.

But Thanoseid just blasts the baby with his omega beams, and, I know that sounds bad but... um, well, I'm not sure it gets better. But it gets weirder and the baby didn't die, so that's good. Diana deduces that the omega beams instead sent the child back in time, where he was raised on Apokolips as Thanoseid's assassin... Kanto. You remember him: the one who was seemingly salivating over Diana but spared her because he instinctively recognized her as his mom and not just another “comely wench.”

So Thanoseid zaps everybody away, I'm assuming because he was getting as uncomfortable as I am. Ryan/Kanto and Big Titania end up on New Asgard with All-Highfather Odin and Diana and Castle land back in the alley where they met and reconcile, with tongue.

Um.

So...

Let's focus on the positive!

Of the four I've read or re-read so far, this one does the best job of seeming like it's part of a larger universe. There are asterisked notes indicating this story is the culmination of multiple issues in each character's respective solo title. The references to the Secret Crisis feel pretty natural. And again, this pairing is so unlikely it works.

I have grumbled here about not understanding some of the amalgams or them not being amalgamated enough, which even to me sounds like missing the forest for the trees. But as much as I want an entertaining story, these comics are also about the spectacle, and being able to parse who's who without an official handbook is part of the fun. It can absolutely still be enjoyed without that element, but this one doesn't flow the way“Super Soldier” did or hit you with a string of recognizable combos like “Bruce Wayne, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

The ending is just downright confusing, even if you ignore the Oedipal undertones of Diana and Kanto. And yet, I have to admit I'm a little curious to see where these characters end up next.

I don't know that we'll get that, but we will see what happened to Diana's sister Ororo next time around.

Best Amalgam: Thanoseid, hands down. If you asked fans before Amalgam was ever announced which Marvel and DC characters should be combined, this would have to be one of the top answers. They're both cosmic-level master manipulators who can go toe-to-toe with the greatest heroes in either universe but aren't going to sully their hands in the early issues.

Most Confusing Amalgam: So many. Let's see if the Interwebs can clear any of it up for me...

OK, an interview with Ostrander at www.marvunapp.com says Diana is part Wonder Woman, with a bit of Elektra thrown in. I'm not sure, but it does check out inasmuch as classic Elektra is impractically under-dressed from the waist down while this character has the same problem from the waist up. It also says that king I recognized as Black Panther was actually mixed with Bronze Tiger. Hmm. Monarch was War Machine (yes!) and Monarch, aka Hank Hall (swing and a miss!). The Female Furies were... the Female Furies? And Kanto was part New Gods villain Kanto, and that's it, although Ostrander also mentioned a nod to a Legion of Super-Heroes villain here.

* - Let's see... Man-Thing and Dove? Dove-Thing! Hellstrom and Captain Carrot? Hellhare! Deathlok and Prez? Prezlok!

** - As a human being; as a character, he works, no matter how much I disagree with his kill-or-nah-just-kill philosophy.