X-Force + Doom Patrol = X-Patrol

X-Patrol #1
“Doomed!”
Writers: Karl and Barbara Kesel
Penciler: Roger Cruz
Inker: Jon Holdredge
Lettering: Richard Starkings and Comicraft
Colorist: Tom Vincent
Editor: Jaye Gardner
Editor-in-chief: Bob Harras
Cover: Cruz and Terry Austin
Published by: Marvel
Released: Feb. 29, 1996

Well, we've come to the end of the road with the inaugural wave of Amalgam comics. But don't start playing Boyz II Men just yet – Marvel and DC revisited this realm about a year later, and I plan to dive into those as well, after some Olympic-themed installments of #DollarTreeCinema and other stuff.

But first, let's peruse a title that highlights one of my favorite parts of the Amalgam experience: mashed-up character names.

I know I usually save the Best Amalgam title for the end, but I'm about ready to award the best Amalgam name in the whole shebang to the character at the center of this cover, and it has nothing to do with her lack of attire. “Shatterstarfire” is such a natural fit naming-wise and an off-the-wall combination of Teen Titan stalwart Starfire and '90s poster boy Shatterstar that she stands head and shoulders above most other entries. That's right, I noticed she has a head and shoulders.

She's one of five strangers assembled by a mysterious benefactor at an X-shaped building that does call to mind the first meeting of the Doom Patrol, which I wrote about, naturally, as a prelude to Super Bowl LVII. The exiled warrior princess of Tamojoran (Tamaran + Mojoworld) finds herself gathered with Ferro Man (X-Man Colossus + the Legion of Super Heroes' Ferro Boy,* I believe), Beastling (Beast + Changeling/Beast Boy, with twice the hormones of both), Dial H.U.S.K. (Generation X's Husk + the dial from “Dial H for Hero”) and Elasti-Girl, who is clearly Domino + Elasti-Girl** with an unexpected dash of the Wasp thrown in.

Each character's origin is recounted by a shadowy figure with a glowing eye, who, unsurprisingly, is Niles Cable (Cable + Doom Patrol's Chief, Niles Caulder) since he took H.U.S.K.'s spot on the cover. The standout here is Beastling, whose story mostly follows Beast Boy's except instead of changing into a variety of animals after his parents' cure for a deadly disease turns him green, he transforms into the creatures that haunted his fever dreams. That's a cool, unexpected, yet fitting combo of the two characters. H.U.S.K., aka Paige Guthrie, found the dial during a cave-in in her Appalachian home. It focuses her latent mutant powers when she uses the dial to spell “H-U-S-K” because that's naturally the word you would pick out.***

We see Shatterstarfire ally with the rebels in her Microverse realm before being brought to Earth by Spider-Boy, an encounter referenced in his issue. Ferro Man's backstory is a bit confusing – he wears a mask because he and his brother wore masks, and they were inseparable until they learned Ferro Man was a mutant and his brother was not. Spoiler alert: We'll cover Elasti-Girl's in the “Most Confusing” portion of the post.

Cable is, not unlike his Marvel half, a guy who came back in time to prevent a horrific future. And if he's anything like his DC self, he may have had more of a hand in the others' misfortunes than they realize. But such a revelation would require packing even more into this issue, and he's already got a mission for this ragtag group: taking on Doctor Doomsday (Doctor Doom + Doomsday), which honestly is probably the second best name in all of Amalgamdom.

Exactly why they're going to confront a foe who they say has fought the Judgment League Avengers to a standstill is unclear, but Cable does make it clear that all of the team members are destined to die “glorious deaths.” The first time I read it, it seemed a little forced and annoying, but honestly, that's not a bad hook. It's like these Kesel folks know a thing or three about writing comics.

The patrol's plane is blown to smithereens as they approach Doomsday's castle, which I'm sure is due to him being a villain and not at all because they entered the airspace of his sovereign nation, Latveria.

While Beastling transforms into a dragon and offers a handsy, or talon-y, assist to H.U.S.K. and Elasti-Girl, Ferro Boy uses the momentum of the fall to bust right into Doc's castle.

H.U.S.K. dials up the powers of Polaris (Polaris + Doctor Polaris, I presume) and joins Shatterstarfire, Ferro Boy and Beastling in taking on Doomsday, while Elasti-Girl and Cable turn their attention to a computer array displaying some very interesting images:

I don't know if Doc Doomsday could actually be looking in on the DC and Marvel universes if they're combined into this one but a) I'm sure comic book science can explain it and b) I don't care, because it's cool.

Before Cable can hack the computer, Elasti-Girl shrinks down inside it then embiggens and destroys the portal, which we know because Doctor Doomsday says it. He elbows Cable in the back, making a very unhealthy-sounding “krek” side effect.

With the mission accomplished and their leader gravely wounded, the Patrol decides it's time to make an exit. H.U.S.K. dials up the telekinetic powers and great mash-up costume of Mary Marvel Girl and they escape on a boat, which, honestly, seems like Doctor Doomsday could have stopped pretty easily. But maybe he wants to get a jump on cleaning up. Really, the reason is we're out of pages. It ends on a cliffhanger, with Cable announcing he can't feel his legs, leading us to assume that if there was a next issue, we would see him in a wheelchair a la the Chief (or the hoverchair he first appeared in in this issue; but maybe he just found that seat comfortable).

It may sound like I'm harping on some of these missed details or shortcuts, but, while yes I noticed them, I had too much fun with this issue to complain much. H.U.S.K. could have carried her own book, just morphing into various amalgams that hadn't been used elsewhere. I don't know if the Kesels picked every name, but they're in the credits, so applause to them. Cruz's kinetic art is perfect for this book, exaggerated without going over the top.

There's a lot happening here, with six character intros, plus a super-slugfest. Each character gets their moments, although Beastling doesn't do much with his. He got a little annoying panting after his female teammates (though I probably could have related better in 1996). Shatterstarfire may not have been as amazing as her name, but she was a skillful blend of two characters I never would have thought to pair.

Most Confusing Amalgam: I really have gotten over mashing up more than two characters, but I'm not sure why Wasp and Domino needed to be added to Elasti-Girl. Perhaps it was to give a little more weight to the Marvel side of the equation. Elasti-Girl's origin – her latent mutant power was unlocked by volcanic gasses – isn't that far from her DC source's. In fact, Cable attributes it to “the sort of luck you only see in bad movies” and Rita Farr was an actress shooting on location when volcanic gasses bestowed her powers. But this Janet Van Dyne massively increased her inheritance by gambling, earning the nickname Domino. Her personality is definitely that of the Wasp, which sort of begs the question why Domino was needed at all, except to get the mutant factor in there. Maybe the Kesels were more thorough with their Amalgamath than some of their counterparts.

Regardless of any hairs split, this has been a blast, and I look forward to starting the next round soon. Let me know which Amalgam heroes and villains have been your favorites so far!

* - Sorry, Ferro Lad.

** - From the Doom Patrol, not “The Incredibles.”

*** - Forest? What forest? All these trees are in the way!

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