I Think That's Enough John Wick for Me

“John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum”
Starring Keanu Reeves, Halle Berry, Ian McShane, Laurence Fishburne
Directed by Chad Stahelski
Screenplay by Derek Kolstad, Shay Hatten, Chris Collins and Mark Abrams
Rated R for pervasive strong violence and some language

I was prepared to get back to comics this week, and even if I hadn't, jumping from the Care Bears to John Wick was not a leap I expected to make. But in a way, it makes sense, because by the time I got to the end of “John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum,” I felt like I was watching a cartoon, albeit more of the “Itchy and Scratchy” variety.

It would be easy for me to say I don't understand why they keep making these movies, with a spinoff starring Ana de Armas coming this year and part 5 just announced. But increasing global box office grosses crossing the $1 billion total mark through four movies answers that question.

So my next question is why do people keep paying – in greater price and number – to watch them?

For me, I watched the first one – from the library – out of curiosity, I guess, in part due to it being spoken highly of by people I don't think of as bloodthirsty. I'm sure you know the concept by now: a former hitman goes back to his old ways after some thugs kill his dog. That's an omega-level scumbag move to begin with, but when it turns out the pet owner is the most lethal killer ever to kill in a surprisingly organized underground industry of killers, well, then it's extra stupid.

I could appreciate the action and filmmaking, even if I'm not going to find that level of body count entertaining unless it's accompanied by an on-screen counter a la “Hot Shots: Part Deux.” And the idea of a violent person trying to escape that life and being drawn back to respond to tragedy in the only way they know how, that's not a bad concept at all.

So why did I watch the second one? Well, at that point the fourth one was out or coming soon, and I am intrigued when franchises go beyond the third part that seemed the maximum when I was a kid. Plus I was already paying for Peacock. That one, continuing to examine the fallout of Wick's return to carnage and the consequences of his actions, as well as the almost laughably rigid set of rules and codes in the business of murder for hire, was also somewhat compelling. And yes, there's the action.

Which brings us to part three. I hadn't planned on writing about it, just watching and moving on. But after a couple of tweets and complaining texts to my brother, I figured, hey, I'm already writing about it. May as well keep going.

My assessment to him: This is such well-made garbage.

I'll try to keep this major spoiler-free, but some mild ones are about to drop. The movie opens with Wick on the run, about to be excommunicated from... the Assassins' Guild or League of Shadows or what have you. He killed somebody where he wasn't supposed to kill them, even though that guy had manipulated him and sent people to kill him. Once the $14 million contract on his head is open, we're treated to wave after wave of NPCs – some of whom get a little bit of personality before it's blown out the back of their skull or stabbed in one eye and out the other – falling to Wick's violent talents.

And on and on it goes, to the point where I had trouble even figuring out why he was killing some people or they were trying to kill him. Halle Berry shows up as Sofia, who's like one of those performers who trains rescue dogs to doing amazing tricks, only their tricks are killing and biting crotches.

There might very well be more crotch-targeting violence in this movie than “Deadpool and Wolverine,” although this appears to be mostly for practical combat reasons and not sexualized “comedy.”

I understand part of the appeal of this franchise is the over-the-top action, which sounds nicer than saying increasingly escalating violence. But as it went on, we passed over the top and went right to jumping sharks, only to be shot out of the air mid-hurdle, then shot in the head and neck upon crashing to the ground.

Mark Dacascos plays a sushi chef by night/sword-wielding assassin by later at night, who fanboys out when he finally gets to cross blades with Wick. And Ian McShane is back from the first two movies as the manager of the Continental, a hotel that's supposed to be neutral ground for contract killers. He and others, including Berry and Anjelica Houston, keep going back and forth about rules and honor and debts and codes and markers, and John keeps prevailing upon these people to help him out because of rules and honor and debts and codes and markers, even though he's in this mess because he got tired of that crap in the first place.

I can't tell if this movie is just a thinly veiled story designed to get us from one bloody set piece to the next or if there's some more heavily veiled message about violence only begetting more violence, as Iron Fist tried to warn us about in one of my favorite comics ever.** Is it both? Neither? Is there something to the juxtaposition of these rigid rules that everybody from Wick on down rely on with the fact that they ignore them once it becomes inconvenient?

The first two gave Wick and other characters some relatable motivation. At this point, it's just murderers murdering other murderers/ No matter how amusing McShane and Lance Reddick are trying to keep an air of civility and refinement in the midst of a bloody gunfight or how generally likable I think most of us feel Reeves is or how cool some of the action is, it just feels like distractions from a big pile of nihilistic garbage.

Also, far be it for me to be a backseat assassin, but maybe one of these folks could actually succeed at killing Wick if they didn't yell and grunt to announce their imminent attack or keep giving him chances to catch his breath? The illusion of honor among a bunch of backstabbing killers is downright laughable.

Now, will I stick to my guns and sit out parts 4 and 5, “Ballerina,” “The Continental” series on Peacock and however many more sequels they churn out before the inevitable reboot? Or will my curiosity get the better of me, like it did with “Transformers” and “The Expendables” and the “Fast and Furious” movies, none of which I objected to on any kind of principle but just found myself complaining about afterward? Will I watch so I can comment, as I did with “Deadpool and Wolverine,” even though I never bothered to write about it as it both lived down to my expectations and somehow disappointed me? Or will I nip it in the bud and just read the IMDb synopses, like I did when I wondered how they kept making “Saw” movies but didn't actually want to watch any beyond the first?**

* – Power Man and Iron Fist #85, which I really should have written about by now.

** – Which was well done, but enough.